South Korea’s Department of Environmental Studies spokesman, Lee Jin-hee, announced today that from this day forward South Korea will officially have five seasons. The change in national policy swiftly followed last week’s highly publicized finding that South Korea was not the only country with four seasons.
Park Sun-lee, a university student, recounts her feelings after last week’s shocking findings were released. “For years,” she said, “we’ve been walking around, telling every foreigner we met that Korea has four seasons.” Sun-lee, like so many other Korean’s had been instructed from a young age that having four distinct seasons was a natural honor specific to Korea. “They told us to tell everyone! They gave us cards to carry with “Korea has four distinct seasons” written on it. They made us memorize this shit in high school. It’s so embarrassing”
No one is exactly certain if persons within the Korean educational and governmental agencies were aware that the majority of the world’s nations also celebrated four distinct seasons.
Lee Jin-hee was kind enough to meet with our staff reporter to discuss his report. “We now know that several countries claim to have four seasons,” he began, “but as the world clearly acknowledges, Korea’s environmental splendors are by far the greatest. It was on this premise that we began our research which subsequently uncovered the fifth distinct season.”
When asked why South Korea would go through the trouble to officially change its accepted four season structure, Lee Jin-hee smiled and said, “it’s one better. Most countries have three seasons, and some may have four, but Korea will has five. It’s one better.”
The new season is purported to exist after the final cherry blossom has fallen and before the first 3000 beach umbrella day on Haeundae beach. A name for the new season has not been chosen, but Dong Chim has been assured it will “represent Korea’s preeminent seasonal standing and will most likely cause the rest of the world’s nations to suffer the often felt jealousy of Korea’s clear superiority.”
Editor’s Note – Dong Chim acknowledges Dokdo is Ours’s prior reporting of this important change. We further doff our literary cap to the quality and ingenuity of their groundbreaking article. Dokdo’s Fifth Season Article