The Real World: Wa Bar

Wa Bar, Korea’s foreigner hotspot, has been chosen as the lucky new location of MTV’s popular reality show, The Real World. Wa Bar competed against two other popular Korean bars, Dublin Bar and Foreign Happy Fun Sparkle Bar as the location for the reality show. The cast will live above a yet unspecified branch located somewhere in Korea’s largest city, Seoul. This season will be the first of to be filmed in Asia.

Upon hearing the news, War bar officials were delighted. President, Johnny D. Bagtevich stated, “It will be great for viewers across the world to see what it is really like for foreigners living in Korea. Many people do not realize the perplexity one encounters when working and living in another country.”

Real World producer, Dick Derrick, explained a few of the reasons why Wa Bar was chosen, “Wa Bar will be a great place for the cast to reside. The bar really exemplifies the customs and culinary traditions specific to the Korean culture. Also, viewers can witness character revealing and beautifully telling moments, such as when cast members try to order food and booze in Korean. Cast members are encouraged to interact with Koreans in the bar, even though this will most certainly be extremely arduous (and hilarious).”

The cast of this season’s Real World, which has already been selected, are mostly military personnel stationed in Korea or western “unemployables” teaching in Korea. The selected cast went through a rigorous selection process and the requirements for cast members were extremely particular. Women had to be at least 5’8” and men 6’2”. Real World hopefuls also had to compete in a fitness test, which consisted of them taking off their shirts while competing in drinking games; only those with the best combination of sex appeal and reckless drunkenness were chosen. Those with very high IQs were not considered for the show on the well-founded basis that they were probably really boring.

New cast member, Tina Haring, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, says she is still in shock from being chosen. “I can’t fucking wait,” she exclaimed, “OMG! I just can’t wait to party, like everyday. We are living above a bar, how sweet is that?” Bob Long, a soldier from Texas and fellow cast member, was also flabbergasted upon hearing the news, “This will be fucking great. Wa Bar has Red Bull and vodka! And I can’t wait to nail some Korean bitches!” Candy Hollow, fellow cast member, upon reading the suggestion for cast members to interact with Koreans in the bar asked, “Wait, do Koreans actually go in War Bar, really? I never saw one there before.”

Real World co-producer, Sally Strawford, is especially excited for this season of the Real World. “This season is going to be very eclectic and very different from previous seasons.” Real World Korea will have eight cast members (five girls and three guys). This season includes a poet, a ditsy super hot former cheerleader, a white supremacist warmonger, a former Black Panther, a metro sexual, a catholic, a women’s rights activist, and a PETA representative. “And three of them,” Sally told us with an “on the sly” hand gesture, “will actually be Oriental. We are really pushing some demographic barriers here.”

Cast members are not only provided with free housing, but also an unlimited supply of free alcohol (courtesy of Wa Bar). This season is also sponsored by The United Colors of Benetton and each cast member will be required to wear only Benetton clothing. As the season progresses we will update Dong Chim readers of hook-ups between cast members and local bar-goers, and, of course, any fights that may ensue.

Study Links Erectile Dysfunction and the Quantity of Barber Poles in Korean Communities

A recent study conducted by the Bayer Corporation, the producer of the erectile dysfunction drug Levitra, has concluded that Korean men are the world’s most selfish in bed, which as a result has produced more late night dirty massage parlors in Korea. The survey compared the “vitalsexual” tendencies of 8, 5000 men in 12 countries. The term “vitalsexual” was coined in a study called “Sex and the Modern Man,” in which the term is used to describe middle-aged men who still value a healthy sex life and are willing to take erectile producing drugs if so needed.

The survey, which was implemented in 12 different countries, asked if they thought their partner’s satisfaction was an important factor in their sex life. Out of all twelve countries Korean ranked last, with only 87% saying that their partner’s satisfaction was of any significance (english.chosun.com).

The survey also asked, “Is it essential to take a partner’s satisfaction into consideration when having sex?” 60 percent of German respondents said yes, placing the country in the first place, ahead of Brazilians (59 percent), Spain (56 percent) and Mexico (46 percent). But only 30 percent of Korean men thought their partner’s satisfaction was important enough to be labeled essential (english.chosun.com).

A study done later by a nonprofit organization that promotes extramarital sex, “We Love you Short Time,” linked the communities that were surveyed in Korea by Bayer and the number of double barber pole massage parlors in the surrounding areas. The study surprisingly found that the areas in which men placed little importance on partner satisfaction were saturated with dual barber pole establishments.

Baek Bo-Bae of Gangnam was interviewed after she was told by several neighbors that her husband frequents “barber pole alley.” When asked her thoughts on her husband going astray she stated, “I do not care, he sucks in bed. I told him to go, I feel bad for the poor prostitute.”

Lee Ha-Neul of Suseo stated a need for more Red Hot Model Bars within communities infected with sexually untalented Korean males. “We need to be satisfied; maybe they could find some German “models” to satisfy us women in these establishments.”

Dirty massage parlor owners around Korea, though, are taking advantage of the boost in sales by launching a huge ad campaign titled, “Selfish sex – Just do it quickly – You have to be at work in two hours.”

Bayer Study Link