A Young Korean Woman Walking in a Straight Line, at a Brisk Pace, and Without a Cell Phone in Her Hand is Beaten to Death

Posted: January 30, 2009 in Culture
Tags: , , ,


A violent, unprovoked, and deadly beating was meted out today by a small group of Korean citizens, which included a woman of over ninety years and the victim’s own husband.

The victim, 23 year old Kim Min-ju, was reportedly walking very quickly and neither meandering nor attempting to text on her cellular phone.

“Who does she think she is?” her husband of two and a half years asked. “Where is she going so quickly? Doesn’t she even care enough about her mother’s new purse to phone her and ask her about it?”

Reports from a witness claim that ninety-two year old Park Jin-hee was the first to hit the young woman. She reportedly stood in the young woman’s path, which was easy to do because of her “straight line” style of walking, and without warning punched the woman in the throat with a closed fist.

As the old woman continued to strike and kick the prostrate woman a crowd of passersby quickly stood around the spectacle, blocking the sidewalk to traffic.

“At first I thought the old woman was crazy,” a woman who asked not to be identified said, “but when I saw that she (Kim Min-ju) didn’t have a single Louis Vuitton accessory and that she had no visible hand phone, it all made sense.” The woman then claims that she began pressing her four inch heals into the crying woman’s temple. “I mean,” she went on to explain, “does she really think she’s better than we are?”

Kim Min-ju’s husband was the last of the crowd to strike her and claims to have dealt the final blow. “I felt horrible about it, I did, but we have a way of doing things here. We just, we just can’t tolerate certain behaviors.”

An elderly man who was not physically involved in the fray due to chronic chest congestion which causes him to constantly hack up small pieces of sputum and spit them in public places, said that he had no sympathy for the victim. “For centuries,” he explained, “we, as a people, have perfected our complex algorithmic slow paced meander to confound the outsiders and to prove that Korea is the greatest nation in the universe. This woman was one of us and she understood the consequences of her actions.”

Due to the husband’s active involvement, the Seoul police have decided not to press criminal charges.“We do not interfere in domestic disturbances,” they stated in a public release. ” A marriage is a sacred and personal thing.”

  1. Roland says:

    I’m sorry. This is dissapointing to read. Wheter or not a woman is walking quickly without a molbile phone and is hit by both a bystanders and famuily menbers is terribly. Justice was not served. It shouldn’t matter who you are, what you do or which country you live in. It is still unacceptable for someone to hit and spit on anyone man or woman. Woman diserve the same as men. Have Korean’s heard of equal rights, appaerently not. Koreans are going to far with their tradditions. I’m sorry. It’s is not good and so dissapointing to hear about these. She should have moved far from her home country. Away of doing things in Korea. No rthey can be changed, which thery should. I am not a woman who is sticking up for another. I am simply a man who see’s what he has read and is dicusted with it.

  2. Hyun-Jun says:

    I would be very surprised if this was real, seems like an onion type deal. Fake news for entertainment purposes.

  3. Daniel says:

    Come on Roland. Use your head. The article is a joke. It never happened!

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