Riding a Moped in Korea is Confirmed Lame

Posted: April 29, 2009 in Culture
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In a not so surprising report released by two independent research groups, riding a moped, even in Korea where it seems most everyone does it, is still incredibly lame. The two groups, HCBH (Hot Chicks Back Home) and HCiK (Hot Chicks in Korea) represent, respectively, both the girls that were deemed hot in their home countries and those whose relative hotness has increased substantially by the general lack of fine western trim here in Korea.

The accepted simile back home was that riding a moped was like banging a fat chick: Probably a lot of fun but not something you’d want you friends to see you doing. And whether it is the abundance of mopeds, which might give the impression of coolness in Korea or the ratio of available fatties, which has greatly increased the number of times most all of us have had to make that most regrettable of late night decisions – hogging which, becoming more of a norm, acted upon our subconscious fat-girl:moped ratio and caused our perception of the mopeds social acceptability to alter, no one can say.

Despite the reasons why the moped has garnered some level of acceptability, the hot chick collaboration claims that riding a moped is still “totally lame.”

In a reply to the idea that a thing like riding a moped (or banging a fat chick) can become cool in specific locations or under specific circumstances, Misty Johansson, the president of HCBH, said, “look, if you’re stranded on a mountain top with your brother and are forced to share body heat to survive, and when the proximal heat isn’t enough you find yourself compelled to engage in no-lube incestuous sodomy (sodomy to avoid the possibility of birthing an unholy freak), you might be doing exactly the same thing that anyone in your position would do. You might be doing the very thing you need to do to survive, but it still isn’t even close to being cool. I mean you’re letting your brother bang you in the ass, that’s just gross!”

A third group, MACDSE (Mediocre American Chicks Digging Skinny Europeans), a group composed of chubby, homely girls with disproportionate bodies and bushy eyebrows that are turned on by skinny European guys in tight jeans, wearing scarves and plaid, gave a contesting report praising the sexy potential of mopeds. The report was promptly ignored for obvious reasons. (Who the F cares what ugly chicks think?)

  1. Wrenchbender says:

    yikes! Neither were, are or at no time in the future be cool. Barouque victorian fatties may they never come back in style.

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