Archive for the ‘Culture’ Category

crowe and korean

In early May, the winner of what was being promoted as “the best job in the world” was announced by the Australian Tourism Board. While the winner, a 34 year old British charity worker named Ben Southall, has been reveling in his new fame and preparing to embark on his lucrative endeavor, the Australian Tourism Board has come under some harsh, and potentially litigious, fire.

A group of Korean men, calling themselves the Defenders of the True Best Job in the World (DTBJW), claiming to have a membership of over 8 million people, have embarked on a campaign to force the Australian government to publically apologize and to admit that the job they offered is far from the best in the world. The group, which is reputed to include some of the richest and most powerful men in South Korea, has threatened to launch a multi-million dollar smear campaign against the entire country of Australia and to pursue any and all legal avenues available. The group claims that the greatest job in the world exists solely in South Korea and is an absolute birth right for fifty percent of its population.

“There can be no doubt that the “adjossi” is the single greatest job in the world,” claims Ho Man-choi, the legal representative of DTBJW. “The title of adjossi is given to our men as they reach middle age, and from that moment on, the men are free to do nearly anything they choose. The men may beat their wives, drink to preposterous excess, and drive without regard for public safety or traffic laws. These men are even encouraged to utilize the services of prostitutes as much as they desire. And as these men age, the power and the benefits only increase. A man who has lived past his sixtieth year, for example, may spend his entire day drinking with his friends outside of Family Marts, or verbally assaulting passersby on a public street, and while we don’t necessarily encourage it,” he continued with a chuckle, “an adjossi may even stand in the door way of a building and masturbate himself at, or to, anything that passes by, suiting his fancy.

“What, can I ask you,” he said, rising straight in his chair and slamming his fist down, “are these kangaroo eating Australians really offering that could compete with forty years of living like a god?”

Though Mr. Ho’s claims might seem preposterous to some, we at Dong Chim can, collectively, attest to the happening of all of these occurrences and to the daily happening of most. It’s hard to pass by a convenience store without seeing a grouping of older men drinking from a communal bottle of Makali. Never once, in any of our experiences, has a light turned from yellow to red without at least five cars buzzing through. And, as a good friend and fellow Dong Chim writer likes to say, if you haven’t seen an old dude beating his wank at 2:30 on a Monday afternoon, you probably haven’t been to Korea.

While it would certainly be difficult to imagine a freer existence than being an adjossi, the question which the Australian Tourism Board has proffered is whether “adjossi” can really be qualified as a “job.”

Australian citizen and international film star, Russell Crowe, offering to speak on behalf of all Australians, was kind enough to grant Dong Chim a telephone interview:

DC – Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about this important topic.

RC – I’m drunk.

DC – Ok…. Well, what take do you have on South Korea’s claim that Australia does not have the right to use the phrase “best job in the world?”

RC – Who the fuck is Sal Kreah? I’m gonna kick his Jew ass if he ever even thinks about Australia again.

DC – Mr. Crowe, perhaps I’m not making myself clear. I cleared this with your assistant only an hour ago, we’re calling in regards to Australia’s best job in the world promotion.

(30 second pause)

DC – Sir? Mr. Crowe, are you there?

RC – What? Who the hell is this?

(30 second pause)

RC – if there isn’t a can of Foster’s in my right hand and one of Nicole Kidman’s tits in the other in three minutes, I’m going to kick all of your asses.

DC – Sir?

RC – Two minutes and fifty seconds remaining, asshole.

DC – We’ll see what we can do.

As a rebuttal to Mr. Crowe’s commentary, the DTBJW released the following statement: “Gladiator sucked.”

To date, neither side, nor Russell Crowe (who has been calling our offices daily with slurred threats), is ready to back down. We at Dong Chim don’t know where this is going to end, but you, our valued reader, can rest assured that as soon as we know something we will get around to telling you in about a month or so.


In a not so surprising report released by two independent research groups, riding a moped, even in Korea where it seems most everyone does it, is still incredibly lame. The two groups, HCBH (Hot Chicks Back Home) and HCiK (Hot Chicks in Korea) represent, respectively, both the girls that were deemed hot in their home countries and those whose relative hotness has increased substantially by the general lack of fine western trim here in Korea.

The accepted simile back home was that riding a moped was like banging a fat chick: Probably a lot of fun but not something you’d want you friends to see you doing. And whether it is the abundance of mopeds, which might give the impression of coolness in Korea or the ratio of available fatties, which has greatly increased the number of times most all of us have had to make that most regrettable of late night decisions – hogging which, becoming more of a norm, acted upon our subconscious fat-girl:moped ratio and caused our perception of the mopeds social acceptability to alter, no one can say.

Despite the reasons why the moped has garnered some level of acceptability, the hot chick collaboration claims that riding a moped is still “totally lame.”

In a reply to the idea that a thing like riding a moped (or banging a fat chick) can become cool in specific locations or under specific circumstances, Misty Johansson, the president of HCBH, said, “look, if you’re stranded on a mountain top with your brother and are forced to share body heat to survive, and when the proximal heat isn’t enough you find yourself compelled to engage in no-lube incestuous sodomy (sodomy to avoid the possibility of birthing an unholy freak), you might be doing exactly the same thing that anyone in your position would do. You might be doing the very thing you need to do to survive, but it still isn’t even close to being cool. I mean you’re letting your brother bang you in the ass, that’s just gross!”

A third group, MACDSE (Mediocre American Chicks Digging Skinny Europeans), a group composed of chubby, homely girls with disproportionate bodies and bushy eyebrows that are turned on by skinny European guys in tight jeans, wearing scarves and plaid, gave a contesting report praising the sexy potential of mopeds. The report was promptly ignored for obvious reasons. (Who the F cares what ugly chicks think?)


There are few words which can so immediately and powerfully evoke a specific uncontested image like the word ‘adjuma.’ Americans, Koreans, Australians, the English, and even Canadians (in their own limited capacity) envision the same squat, tight haired, steely eyed, brightly dressed woman ready to bowl over, elbow, and gouge their way to a better place in line. It’s usually one of the first Korean words a foreigner learns: right after hello, thank you, and two draft beers, please. It’s a word used in levity with friends as a jab, and as a sharp insult aimed at anyone acting adjuma-esque.

However, as the tough agrarian lifestyle which cast the young women of yesterday into the pit bulls of the now is rapidly being replaced by a modern, comfort and status driven, more western existence, a growing number of adjuma aged women are feeling like they just don’t fit in. While still in the deep minority, these women can be usually seen separated from the mobs of scowling helmet haired real adjumas. Unlike their linebacker counterparts, the new breed of adjuma is usually thin and dressed in fashionable attire. Many are even foregoing the requisite afro perm for a styled modern look. Some can even be seen smiling – though usually when on their cell phone.

Many women, like Min Sun-jee, a prominent 50 year old dentist in the Gaepo area of Seoul, find the connotation associated with the word adjuma confusing or, occasionally, disturbing. Min Sun-jee attempted to clarify her feelings. “Adjumas are ugly,” she told our reporter. “I go to the gym six days a week. I watch On-Style like it’s my job. I love desperate housewives. I have never paid less than 500,000 won for a purse. I am not an adjuma. Look at my ass; you could bounce a baek won off of this ass.”

Sadly for Min Sun-jee, adjuma’s accepted denotation is simply “older married woman.” And though she scoffed at the word ‘older,’ saying, “older than who? Look around. There are more people than in a New York subway line at rush hour – just in this building – that are older than I am. Did you see my ass? Here, touch it; go ahead.”

It is quite possible that as more women like Min Sun-jee reach adjuma age the connoted implications of the title will change, and may in fact reflect the western idealized M.I.L.F. But for now, for Sun-jee and the many like her, these educated, sexually aware women are left without an appropriate categorized societal pigeon hole.

While we at Dong Chim do not have an answer to this quandary, we do ask our readers to be sympathetic to those who suffer its brunt. For many of us, our mastery of the Korean language being naught, our limited vocabulary limits how we can address those around us. We don’t have the ability, despite our intentions, to appropriately address an older yet attractive and stylish woman. So, if you see an attractive older lady and need to speak with her, instead of calling her adjuma, give her a nice smack on the tush and call her “toots.” If you’re out and want to ask a well dressed cell phone talking, cigarette smoking woman a question, premise your question by buying her a cosmo and calling her “doll face.” While the correcting of a society’s rifting self-image is well beyond the grasp of any one person or group, we can all do what we can to ease the suffering of those affected.


South Korea’s Department of Environmental Studies spokesman, Lee Jin-hee, announced today that from this day forward South Korea will officially have five seasons. The change in national policy swiftly followed last week’s highly publicized finding that South Korea was not the only country with four seasons.

Park Sun-lee, a university student, recounts her feelings after last week’s shocking findings were released. “For years,” she said, “we’ve been walking around, telling every foreigner we met that Korea has four seasons.” Sun-lee, like so many other Korean’s had been instructed from a young age that having four distinct seasons was a natural honor specific to Korea. “They told us to tell everyone! They gave us cards to carry with “Korea has four distinct seasons” written on it. They made us memorize this shit in high school. It’s so embarrassing”

No one is exactly certain if persons within the Korean educational and governmental agencies were aware that the majority of the world’s nations also celebrated four distinct seasons.

Lee Jin-hee was kind enough to meet with our staff reporter to discuss his report. “We now know that several countries claim to have four seasons,” he began, “but as the world clearly acknowledges, Korea’s environmental splendors are by far the greatest. It was on this premise that we began our research which subsequently uncovered the fifth distinct season.”

When asked why South Korea would go through the trouble to officially change its accepted four season structure, Lee Jin-hee smiled and said, “it’s one better. Most countries have three seasons, and some may have four, but Korea will has five. It’s one better.”

The new season is purported to exist after the final cherry blossom has fallen and before the first 3000 beach umbrella day on Haeundae beach. A name for the new season has not been chosen, but Dong Chim has been assured it will “represent Korea’s preeminent seasonal standing and will most likely cause the rest of the world’s nations to suffer the often felt jealousy of Korea’s clear superiority.”

Editor’s Note – Dong Chim acknowledges Dokdo is Ours’s prior reporting of this important change. We further doff our literary cap to the quality and ingenuity of their groundbreaking article. Dokdo’s Fifth Season Article


Elite mental health officials in Korea have released compelling research on a newly diagnosed mental illness that has taken many Korean women hostage. Anuptaphobia, the fear of staying single, has caused Korean women to take drastic measures in order to land a boyfriend or husband. The study, which took place over six months in Lotte department stores across Korea, interviewed nearly 10,000 single women.

The study estimates that up to 70% of single Korean women have been affected by the illness. Women who partook in the study were asked questions such as, “Why do you dress up just to go grocery shopping?” “Why did you spend 10 million won on your purse?” and “It’s freezing outside, why do you have a mini skirt on?” Psychiatrists recorded the answers of the women and then analyzed the roots of their behavior, and concluded Anuptaphobia as being the sole reason for such insane behavior.

Anuptaphobia has not only caused women to spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothing, but has even provoked women to seek drastic surgical procedures. Though clothing can aid in the appearance of women, some women feel a further need to set themselves apart. New plastic surgery clinics are taking advantage of these self-esteem issues, now offering cranial reduction and breast augmentation. Dr. Lee, one of the top cranial/breast surgeons, recently opened a new clinic in the Centum City area of Busan called “Small Face, Lovely Breast.” The clinic has become so popular that the waiting list has now reached one year.

The clinic specializes in making the cranium smaller, which as a result makes eyes, lips, and breasts appear larger. The cranial surgery includes a Double D breast enlargement free of charge.

While Dr. Lee is pleased with the large influx of business, he is concerned over the results of the new study. “I think women need to realize that staying single is not that bad, I mean you can always work at Gimbop Changuk if you don’t get married.”

Kim Min-Jee is currently on the waiting list for the surgery, “I really want to
marry a doctor and I feel the only way I can do so is to get the surgery. I mean what guy would not want a girl with a small head and huge breasts?”

Mental health officials, though, are expressing concern over the epidemic. One of the country’s top psychiatrists, Baek Dong-Yul, is disturbed over the recent behavior of single women. “The results of this study are staggering and incredibly dangerous. Women are actually reducing the size of their heads and getting their breasts enlarged just to appeal to men. It’s absolutely insane. What’s next? Are women going to start getting their voice boxes removed to appeal to men even more?”

The Korean government has been hesitant of giving money to aid in the research which hopes to produce new medication that could treat the illness. President, Lee Myung Bak, released a statement stating, “Though Anuptaphobia seems to be a very serious illness, the fact of the matter is, the hotter our women are the more tourism our country will receive.”

Psychologists and psychiatrists across the country are refusing to give up on the cause and are hosting a week long fundraising event starting April 1st in both Busan and Seoul. The Wondergirls are slated to host the event in Seoul. Recently the group has been focused on self-esteem issues in their music and therefore are excited to be apart of such a good cause.

[Editors note- After reading this article, Dr. Lee has opened a new clinic in Haundae called, “Shhhhhhhhh,” which specializes in removing the voice boxes of single women.]


Wa Bar, Korea’s foreigner hotspot, has been chosen as the lucky new location of MTV’s popular reality show, The Real World. Wa Bar competed against two other popular Korean bars, Dublin Bar and Foreign Happy Fun Sparkle Bar as the location for the reality show. The cast will live above a yet unspecified branch located somewhere in Korea’s largest city, Seoul. This season will be the first of to be filmed in Asia.

Upon hearing the news, War bar officials were delighted. President, Johnny D. Bagtevich stated, “It will be great for viewers across the world to see what it is really like for foreigners living in Korea. Many people do not realize the perplexity one encounters when working and living in another country.”

Real World producer, Dick Derrick, explained a few of the reasons why Wa Bar was chosen, “Wa Bar will be a great place for the cast to reside. The bar really exemplifies the customs and culinary traditions specific to the Korean culture. Also, viewers can witness character revealing and beautifully telling moments, such as when cast members try to order food and booze in Korean. Cast members are encouraged to interact with Koreans in the bar, even though this will most certainly be extremely arduous (and hilarious).”

The cast of this season’s Real World, which has already been selected, are mostly military personnel stationed in Korea or western “unemployables” teaching in Korea. The selected cast went through a rigorous selection process and the requirements for cast members were extremely particular. Women had to be at least 5’8” and men 6’2”. Real World hopefuls also had to compete in a fitness test, which consisted of them taking off their shirts while competing in drinking games; only those with the best combination of sex appeal and reckless drunkenness were chosen. Those with very high IQs were not considered for the show on the well-founded basis that they were probably really boring.

New cast member, Tina Haring, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, says she is still in shock from being chosen. “I can’t fucking wait,” she exclaimed, “OMG! I just can’t wait to party, like everyday. We are living above a bar, how sweet is that?” Bob Long, a soldier from Texas and fellow cast member, was also flabbergasted upon hearing the news, “This will be fucking great. Wa Bar has Red Bull and vodka! And I can’t wait to nail some Korean bitches!” Candy Hollow, fellow cast member, upon reading the suggestion for cast members to interact with Koreans in the bar asked, “Wait, do Koreans actually go in War Bar, really? I never saw one there before.”

Real World co-producer, Sally Strawford, is especially excited for this season of the Real World. “This season is going to be very eclectic and very different from previous seasons.” Real World Korea will have eight cast members (five girls and three guys). This season includes a poet, a ditsy super hot former cheerleader, a white supremacist warmonger, a former Black Panther, a metro sexual, a catholic, a women’s rights activist, and a PETA representative. “And three of them,” Sally told us with an “on the sly” hand gesture, “will actually be Oriental. We are really pushing some demographic barriers here.”

Cast members are not only provided with free housing, but also an unlimited supply of free alcohol (courtesy of Wa Bar). This season is also sponsored by The United Colors of Benetton and each cast member will be required to wear only Benetton clothing. As the season progresses we will update Dong Chim readers of hook-ups between cast members and local bar-goers, and, of course, any fights that may ensue.


The founder of Mr. Pizza, Kim Duck-Young, has changed the company’s slogan from “Love for Women” to “Hate for Women” after finding out that his wife of twenty years has been having an affair with a stout, hairy beast of a woman. The change has angered women all over Korea and has lead to a mounting number of protests in the City Hall area. However, a growing number of men who have been burned by this latest of Western plagues – Lesbianism — have embraced the new slogan.

Along with the change in slogan, the famous pizza chain has also made several notable changes to the menu. A number of new pizzas have been added such as the “Burn in Hell” pizza, a tasty pie covered in spicy red sauce and topped with habanera peppers. For the experientialist out there, why not try the “Die Bitch” pie, this is topped with pretty pink hearts and tetrodotoxin from the “super yum-yum tasty part” of the blowfish. Or why not try the “Your Ass is Fat” pizza, an extra oily pie topped with bacon, bacon grease, mayonnaise, and ranch dressing. The chain has also added a lunch special called “Two Timing Tramp,” offering two of the new pizzas for the price of one. The “I Hope you get Herpes” pie is reportedly still in the works but is due out by Valentine’s Day.

The pizza boxes have likewise been redesigned to fit with the new slogan. Instead of saying:

“Mr. Pizza knows how to please women

because he understands them and knows what they want.

Because he cares about women, Mr. Pizza strives

to make a more delicious pizza.

Now, fall in love with the taste of Mr. Pizza.”

the boxes will now say:

“Mr. Pizza didn’t know his wife was such a dirty whore.

He bought her nice things and did everything she asked.

All of a sudden the tramp decided she liked vagina.

Mr. Pizza is all alone, all alone, all alone.

Hope you enjoy your fat, butch new lover, you stupid bitch.”

Along with the change in menu and slogan, the chain now refuses to hire any women and women are encouraged never ever to not go into any Mr. Pizzas, unless they want roofied and a ride “on the train.”

Duck Young Kim has refused an interview with us, saying that he was too busy drinking whisky and watching his wedding videos.


A 23 year old Canadian ex-pat, who asked to be referred to as simply “Frank Teacher,” was moved to micturition by his young student’s search for a missing paper cut-out of a planet. The school, understandably, has asked us not use its name in our report. And somewhat surprisingly, the Canadian consulate sent us a rather lengthy and detailed report stating, in detail, that Canadians are no more prone to pissing their pants than any other people. However, the British government has, incidentally and for apparently no reason at all, acknowledged that its citizens, when intoxicated, are apt to soil themselves at a rate ten times the world average.

“I just didn’t see it coming,” Frank Teacher told us, wearing his pressed work shirt and a fresh bought pair of sweat pants. “They were just gluing the planets on the piece of paper, making the solar system, you know, when it just all went crazy.”

“I don’t have your anus,” is what Frank Teacher initially heard the young student say. Of course, the young boy was referring to the planet, Uranus, but Frank Teacher was apparently caught off-guard by the loud and unexpected statement.

“I think if it would have just stopped there, it would have been fine,” Frank Teacher told us.

But no, it didn’t stop there. Not by a long shot. What follows is Frank Teacher’s recollection of what transpired between the initial child and the rest of the class. All of the children’s names have been changed to protect their identity.

“I don’t have your anus,” George Bush said, standing up, directing the statement to the young boy across from him. “I don’t know where it is. Oh no! Where is your anus?”

“Sit down,” said Kirk Cameron, who was sitting across from George. “Your anus is right there. Right there on the table next to your crayon.”

“That’s not your anus,” George retorted. “That’s just a piece of garbage paper. Teacher! Teacher, I can’t find your anus.”

Frank Teacher at this point was still “holding it together” and had, reportedly, simply and calmly told the young boy to sit down and use the planets that he had in front of him.

But true to form, George Bush was not about to listen to reason. He threw up his chubby hands and began shouting, “I need your anus! I can’t do this without your anus! I need your anus, it goes right here! Your anus has to go right here!”

The rest of the class, consisting of Ann Coulter, Mr. Wizard, three Dallas Cowboys, the lead singer of 80’s sensation Oingo Boingo, and a number of the unnamed cast member of ABC’s hit TV show LOST that appeared suddenly only to be killed off mysteriously, all began to address young George’s panic.

“It’s OK,” assured Ann Coulter, “you don’t need your anus.”

“Don’t worry, your anus is stupid. It’s the stupidest one of all,” said Mr. Wizard.

“You’re stupid,” said quarterback Tony Romo. “He needs your anus, Ann Coulter. He can’t make the stars without your anus.”

“Give him your your anus then,” Ann replied and threw her eraser at Tony Romo’s head, unintentionally hitting the random guy who was killed by a flaming arrow in this season’s LOST.

So on and so forth. Frank Teacher admitted to us that he completely lost control of his class. “I just stood there,” he said, “I mean I was laughing a little at first, like to myself, but it just kept going and going. Everyone was shouting about Uranus. And when that fucking kid starting crying, screaming, ‘I need your anus. Where is your anus?’ I just lost it. I just doubled over, and well, I pissed myself. What the fuck. Shit.”

Frank Teacher has, with the consent of his Principal who has started calling him “Francy Pants,” decided to forego the rest of the space section.

The French consulate, on hearing of Frank Teacher’s new nick name, has released a statement supporting the pissing of pants as both an artistic expression and “an intelligent and reasoned response to educating.”


A recent study conducted by the Bayer Corporation, the producer of the erectile dysfunction drug Levitra, has concluded that Korean men are the world’s most selfish in bed, which as a result has produced more late night dirty massage parlors in Korea. The survey compared the “vitalsexual” tendencies of 8, 5000 men in 12 countries. The term “vitalsexual” was coined in a study called “Sex and the Modern Man,” in which the term is used to describe middle-aged men who still value a healthy sex life and are willing to take erectile producing drugs if so needed.

The survey, which was implemented in 12 different countries, asked if they thought their partner’s satisfaction was an important factor in their sex life. Out of all twelve countries Korean ranked last, with only 87% saying that their partner’s satisfaction was of any significance (

The survey also asked, “Is it essential to take a partner’s satisfaction into consideration when having sex?” 60 percent of German respondents said yes, placing the country in the first place, ahead of Brazilians (59 percent), Spain (56 percent) and Mexico (46 percent). But only 30 percent of Korean men thought their partner’s satisfaction was important enough to be labeled essential (

A study done later by a nonprofit organization that promotes extramarital sex, “We Love you Short Time,” linked the communities that were surveyed in Korea by Bayer and the number of double barber pole massage parlors in the surrounding areas. The study surprisingly found that the areas in which men placed little importance on partner satisfaction were saturated with dual barber pole establishments.

Baek Bo-Bae of Gangnam was interviewed after she was told by several neighbors that her husband frequents “barber pole alley.” When asked her thoughts on her husband going astray she stated, “I do not care, he sucks in bed. I told him to go, I feel bad for the poor prostitute.”

Lee Ha-Neul of Suseo stated a need for more Red Hot Model Bars within communities infected with sexually untalented Korean males. “We need to be satisfied; maybe they could find some German “models” to satisfy us women in these establishments.”

Dirty massage parlor owners around Korea, though, are taking advantage of the boost in sales by launching a huge ad campaign titled, “Selfish sex – Just do it quickly – You have to be at work in two hours.”

Bayer Study Link


A violent, unprovoked, and deadly beating was meted out today by a small group of Korean citizens, which included a woman of over ninety years and the victim’s own husband.

The victim, 23 year old Kim Min-ju, was reportedly walking very quickly and neither meandering nor attempting to text on her cellular phone.

“Who does she think she is?” her husband of two and a half years asked. “Where is she going so quickly? Doesn’t she even care enough about her mother’s new purse to phone her and ask her about it?”

Reports from a witness claim that ninety-two year old Park Jin-hee was the first to hit the young woman. She reportedly stood in the young woman’s path, which was easy to do because of her “straight line” style of walking, and without warning punched the woman in the throat with a closed fist.

As the old woman continued to strike and kick the prostrate woman a crowd of passersby quickly stood around the spectacle, blocking the sidewalk to traffic.

“At first I thought the old woman was crazy,” a woman who asked not to be identified said, “but when I saw that she (Kim Min-ju) didn’t have a single Louis Vuitton accessory and that she had no visible hand phone, it all made sense.” The woman then claims that she began pressing her four inch heals into the crying woman’s temple. “I mean,” she went on to explain, “does she really think she’s better than we are?”

Kim Min-ju’s husband was the last of the crowd to strike her and claims to have dealt the final blow. “I felt horrible about it, I did, but we have a way of doing things here. We just, we just can’t tolerate certain behaviors.”

An elderly man who was not physically involved in the fray due to chronic chest congestion which causes him to constantly hack up small pieces of sputum and spit them in public places, said that he had no sympathy for the victim. “For centuries,” he explained, “we, as a people, have perfected our complex algorithmic slow paced meander to confound the outsiders and to prove that Korea is the greatest nation in the universe. This woman was one of us and she understood the consequences of her actions.”

Due to the husband’s active involvement, the Seoul police have decided not to press criminal charges.“We do not interfere in domestic disturbances,” they stated in a public release. ” A marriage is a sacred and personal thing.”