Posts Tagged ‘breasts’

p12100951

Elite mental health officials in Korea have released compelling research on a newly diagnosed mental illness that has taken many Korean women hostage. Anuptaphobia, the fear of staying single, has caused Korean women to take drastic measures in order to land a boyfriend or husband. The study, which took place over six months in Lotte department stores across Korea, interviewed nearly 10,000 single women.

The study estimates that up to 70% of single Korean women have been affected by the illness. Women who partook in the study were asked questions such as, “Why do you dress up just to go grocery shopping?” “Why did you spend 10 million won on your purse?” and “It’s freezing outside, why do you have a mini skirt on?” Psychiatrists recorded the answers of the women and then analyzed the roots of their behavior, and concluded Anuptaphobia as being the sole reason for such insane behavior.

Anuptaphobia has not only caused women to spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothing, but has even provoked women to seek drastic surgical procedures. Though clothing can aid in the appearance of women, some women feel a further need to set themselves apart. New plastic surgery clinics are taking advantage of these self-esteem issues, now offering cranial reduction and breast augmentation. Dr. Lee, one of the top cranial/breast surgeons, recently opened a new clinic in the Centum City area of Busan called “Small Face, Lovely Breast.” The clinic has become so popular that the waiting list has now reached one year.

The clinic specializes in making the cranium smaller, which as a result makes eyes, lips, and breasts appear larger. The cranial surgery includes a Double D breast enlargement free of charge.

While Dr. Lee is pleased with the large influx of business, he is concerned over the results of the new study. “I think women need to realize that staying single is not that bad, I mean you can always work at Gimbop Changuk if you don’t get married.”

Kim Min-Jee is currently on the waiting list for the surgery, “I really want to
marry a doctor and I feel the only way I can do so is to get the surgery. I mean what guy would not want a girl with a small head and huge breasts?”

Mental health officials, though, are expressing concern over the epidemic. One of the country’s top psychiatrists, Baek Dong-Yul, is disturbed over the recent behavior of single women. “The results of this study are staggering and incredibly dangerous. Women are actually reducing the size of their heads and getting their breasts enlarged just to appeal to men. It’s absolutely insane. What’s next? Are women going to start getting their voice boxes removed to appeal to men even more?”

The Korean government has been hesitant of giving money to aid in the research which hopes to produce new medication that could treat the illness. President, Lee Myung Bak, released a statement stating, “Though Anuptaphobia seems to be a very serious illness, the fact of the matter is, the hotter our women are the more tourism our country will receive.”

Psychologists and psychiatrists across the country are refusing to give up on the cause and are hosting a week long fundraising event starting April 1st in both Busan and Seoul. The Wondergirls are slated to host the event in Seoul. Recently the group has been focused on self-esteem issues in their music and therefore are excited to be apart of such a good cause.

[Editors note- After reading this article, Dr. Lee has opened a new clinic in Haundae called, “Shhhhhhhhh,” which specializes in removing the voice boxes of single women.]

Advertisements

p1010025

The Dong Chim general staff has moved its offices to Busan. And though we are loving the beaches, the slightly warmer weather, the cleaner air, less traffic, way nicer housing, generally just nicer people, less metro man-bag carrying cock-knockers, hiking, fresh seafood, the clean crisp taste of a sea breeze, and the throngs of huge breasted and well lubricated mermaids that live only to satisfy our ever whim, we do acknowledge that we have been extremely lax in site maintenance.

While we, at this time, do not have any of our signature wares to offer, we do have this picture. It was taken in Gangnam during our farewell to Seoul drink-a-thon. This photo has not been altered in any way. The picture below is the name of the establishment. We did not enter and do not have any information on what exactly is sold within.

If any of you ladies (or gentlemen, I suppose) would like directions please feel free to email our P.R. director Jason, at dongchim@ymail.com.

We pledge to track down our writing core, sober them up, and beat the funny out of them as quickly as humanly possible. Please bear with us during this transitional phase.

p1010026